Rice is a necessity
by thingamabob
Summary: Melody is thrown into her Gintama manga by her looney friend. She gets to see what life is really like with the Yorozuya and Shinsengumi.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Gintama. Blah, blah, blah...

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 **Chapter 1**

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It was a beautiful and typical day in Kabuki-cho. People were coming and going down the street, shopping or enjoying the various entertainment to be had. There was yelling and utter chaos happening inside Otose's Snack Bar, but this was normal. So, when two men were sent flying out the door into the street, no one seemed to notice. That was, until an explosion occurred right where the men had landed. Explosions usually don't faze the citizens of Kabuki-cho, thanks to Katsura, but the girlish scream they heard made them curious. A few people stopped to glance at the scene before shaking their heads and going on about their business.

Otose, Karen, and Shinpachi stood glaring in the doorway of the bar. Tama stood in the street flanked by Okita and Kagura, looking rather bored. Eyes widened and eyebrows raised as they heard not two but three groans as the smoke from the explosion cleared. There in the middle of the street were three bodies sort of tangled together.

Gintoki and Hijikata sat up quickly, angry and about the start yelling at each other again. They froze as they noticed the body of a girl laid across their laps. A faint blush appeared on Hijikata's cheeks, seeing her face down in his lap.

The girl pulled her legs under her, making her butt stick up and Gintoki could see everything under her short skirt. He slapped a hand over his nose to hide the fact that it was bleeding and kept staring. She moved one hand the ground between Hijikata's legs and the other to his lap and lifted herself up.

Her eyes were closed. She realized her left hand was not on the ground but on something hard yet soft. _What?_ She barely squeezed her hand and heard a whimper. Her eyes snapped open and saw her hand was in someone's lap. She blushed and turned her head to see the face of a man who's blush rivaled her own. Too embarassed to speak, she snatched her hand back and fell back on her butt.

Gintoki, with his hand over his still bleeding nose, quickly turned away when she looked over at him. He glanced back at the others as they went back inside. Except Okita and Kagura, who had moved to the doorway, with matching sadistic smirks. _Those little shits are getting far too much entertainment from this._ He looked at the girl again when he heard her gasp.

The girl looked at the silver haired man with concern. "Oh my god." She pulled his hand away from his face. "You're bleeding. Are you ok?"

Gintoki turned away and wiped the blood off with his sleeve. "I'm fine. No blood here. See?" He turned back the girl with a goofy grin.

Hijikate scoffed. "Yeah, right. You pervert." He patted his empty pocket looking for a cigarette, but saw the pack was laying a few feet away. His eyebrow twitched when Gintoki grabbed the front of his jacket and pulled him close to his face.

"Who you calling pervert, pervert!" Gintoki yelled in the other man's face. "I saw what you did when she grabbed your joystick!"

A vein throbbed on Hijikata's forehead and he grabbed the front of Gintoki's shirt. "Yeah well you got that nose bleed from staring at her ass!" He yelled back.

"That wasn't blood! That was ketchup from my lunch!"

"You didn't have ketchup! You were eating that nasty cat food!"

"It's not cat food! You're just jealous cause its better than that dog food you eat. Mayo freak!"

"Silver haired bastard!"

They froze and turned to the girl when she started giggling. They let go of each other when she grew quiet and her eyes started to roll back.

Her vision became blurry and the last thing she saw was the two men diving towards her with worried expressions.

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 **A/N:** I got the idea for this side story after what happened to my oc in another story. Not sure where its going to go, but should be kinda short.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

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The first thing the girl noticed as she came to, was that it was rather quiet. She could hear crickets chirping not far away. The next thing she noticed was she was lying on something soft. _I must be in the hospital wing._ She groaned and threw an arm over her face. _Oh man. That crazy old bat is gonna have me serving detention for months_ _after_ _that shit._ She groaned again as she sat up. "What a strange dream. I thought I was in my Gintama manga." She muttered to herself and rubbed her eyes. She froze when she heard footsteps approaching. _It sounds like they're walking on a wood floor._ She dropped her hands and glanced around. "Ok…. This is so _not_ the hospital wing." Her head whipped around and looked at the door as someone slid it open. She rubbed her eyes and blinked from the sudden light shining into the room. The orange and pink tinted sky meant the sun was setting. _How long was I out?_

"Good. You're awake." The tall man in the doorway sounded relieved.

Her eyes widened as he stepped into the room and knelt down next to the futon. "Gor-Gorilla?!" A smile crept onto her face when he chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I guess it's ok if you call me that. Everyone else seems to think it's ok." He muttered the last part to himself. "I'm Isao Kondo. What's your name?" He smiled and moved his hand to the side of his neck.

"I'm Melody." Her smile fell and she blushed realizing that what she thought was a dream had actually happened. She looked away from Kondo, having a small panic attack. _Oh no! I really am in my manga. How did this happen? How do I get back?_ She gasped into her hand. _Will I get back?_ She grabbed the sides of her head. _What do I do? What do I do?!_ She jumped when Kondo placed a hand on her shoulder. She turned her head slowly and blushed, embarrassed he had seen her freak out.

"You ok?" His concerned look turned to a smile when she nodded. The smile faded as he sighed and dropped his hand. "I hate to have to tell you this Melody, but-"

"Where am I?" Her question was answered by a voice from the open door. Her eyes widened seeing who it was.

"Shinsengumi Headquarters. Toshiro Hijikata's personal quarters." Back leaned against the door frame and smoking a cigarette was none other than Toshiro Hijikata himself. He didn't even look at them when he spoke. He seemed indifferent to the situation.

Her attention was drawn back to Kondo when he spoke again. "Yeah, Toshi-kun here insisted that you lay in his bed." He leaned closer to her with a hand next to his mouth and stage whispered, "He's not usually this nice, so I think he really likes you." He grinned and winked.

Hijikata blushed. He quickly stood straight and glared at Kondo. "What? I don't like her! I don't even know her! I just didn't want her in Sougo's freak infested room."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say Toshi-kun." Kondo waved his hand dismissively and rolled his eyes. Hijikata crossed his arms and turned his back to them. Kondo grinned again and whispered even quieter. "He likes you."

Melody looked past Kondo at the man outside the room. She saw him lean against a post across from the door, his head turned away from them. Kondo stood and held out a hand. She placed her hand in his and allowed him to help her up. "Thank you." She Followed him out the door, along the wooden floor outside. "So what now?" She asked from behind him. She jumped when Hijikata answered beside her. _When did he get there?_

"Kondo's office for an interview." His hands were in his pockets and the cigarette between his lips.

She stared at the gorilla's back trying to ignore how hot her face felt. They entered a small room and Kondo had knelt behind a very small table with paper, brush and ink. When Hijikata sat next to the gorilla, she sat down a few feet in front of them. Her legs were crossed under her and hands folded in her lap. She looked down and fidgeted with the yellow and black striped tie that hung loosely around her neck. The questions were simple and they were done within a matter of minutes.

Kondo moved his brush across the paper after each question. He looked over what he had written. "Let's make sure I got this right. Name, Melody Buckle. Age, nineteen. Hair, red. Eyes, green." Looked at her with a smile. "Now all we need is where you're from and why you're here in Edo."

Melody frowned. "Oh. Well I'm not from here." She rubbed the back of her head nervously. "I'm from an alternate universe, actually. And I have no idea why I'm here." She dropped her hand and shrugged. She bit her lip and looked out the open door unable to look at the two men in front of her.

Toshiro stared at her, soon lost in his own musings watching her worry her lip.

"Well, taking in your appearance and the way you talk. I believe you." He scratched his chin in thought. "I'll just put unknown for now." With a few more strokes of his brush he was done. "Alright. All done." He turned to his friend. "Toshi-kun I need you to go out and get us something to eat." The vice chief stood and moved to the door. "Oh. Take Melody-chan with you. You can give her a little tour of the town while you're out." He winked at Melody behind Toshiro's back.

"A-ah. S-sure thing, chief." He waited until Melody was standing before walking away. He moved through the headquarters towards the front gate swiftly. When he stopped outside the front door he was pleased to see the girl had kept up with him and hadn't been left behind. What he wasn't pleased to see was Okita coming down the hall not far away with a look in his eye that meant he was up to no good. _Shit! Not good. I'll be damned if I let him subject her to his sadistic torment._ His slammed the door shut. "We gotta move fast." He didn't see her nod as he grabbed her wrist and all but ran to the gate. He opened the gate and cursed his luck when a voice reached his ear. Dropping her wrist he moved his hand to her lower back to usher her through the open gate.

"Oi! Where are you running off to?" Okita was strolling up to them with his hands in his pocket and a sly smirk.

"Go ask Kondo." Was all Hijikata said as he pulled the gate closed behind him. Once outside he pulled out another cigarette. He froze with the lighter in his hand about to light it. The girl was smiling at him, laughter in her eyes. He shook his head refusing to blush. "What do you want to- Shit!" Okita was opening the gate so he grabbed her wrist again and ran down the road and after a few random turns he stopped. He leaned against the building they had stopped at and closed his eyes. _Damn that evil sadistic little freak. I don't know what he's up to this time, but I sure as hell don't want to find out._ He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. His eyebrow twitched at the sight of silver hair.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

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Things at the Yorozuya were usually busy this time of year. The sakura viewing was tomorrow and they usually found themselves running errands for their clients or helping out at one of the shops. He was surprised that they only had a few clients this time. Their last job had been completed just that morning and with nothing left to do he decided to wander around the streets with Kagura and Shinpachi.

 _Surprised yes, but I'm glad I can kick back and relax._ He watched as Kagura and Shinpachi bickered over how they should spend their money. _Little brats took off with most of it claiming they did all the work. Leaving me_ _with chump change._ His hand in his kimono scratched at his stomach as he looked up at the clear blue sky. A shoe hit his head causing him to stumble. He snapped back quickly to his companions with a glare.

"Shinpachi did it!" Kagura jumped away from Shinpachi, pointing a finger at him.

"What?!" Shinpachi yelled looking outraged at the young girl. His next words were cut off by Gintoki.

He smacked Kagura on the head with the offending shoe. "This is your shoe, idiot!" She caught it when he tossed it to her. He walked past them. "Come on."

The other two looked at each other before darting after him. "Gin-san." Gintoki glanced at Shinpachi. "Maybe we should have Tama make the food this year? I'd rather not die from sisters dark matter." The younger male shuddered.

"Sounds good, Pachie." The three of them suddenly had a mental image of Tama barfing up bento boxes, making them blanch. "Then again, maybe not." He saw Hijikata ushering the strange girl from yesterday into their favorite restaurant. "Why don't you two go on and get the things your sister wanted and I'll go get some food for us to bring." He picked a bugger from his nose and wiped it on Kagura's shoulder, pretending he was just patting it.

"Alright, just don't spend all your money on pachiko, Gin-san. You still have rent to pay."

"Don't tell me what to do!" Gin yelled and childishly stuck his tongue out at the boy's back as he followed Kagura into the shop they had been standing in front of. He strolled further down the road to the restaurant and slipped inside. He saw his targets sitting at the bar waiting for their orders. As he moved closer he could see a hint of a blush on Hijikata's cheeks, watching the girl out of the corner of his eye. He laughed internally. _She's going to burst into flames if he stares any harder._ A random person walked by making the girl's hair move slightly. _Her hair already looks like it's on fire. It's kind of pretty._ He moved to her other side and fingered a lock of her hair. _Why does this dog keeping hogging the new chick?_ He flashed a cheesy grin as the hair slipped through his fingers when she turned to look at him. He slid into the seat next to her, ignoring Hijikata's withering glare. "What brings you here to this fine place,.." He waited expectantly for her name.

She smiled shyly at him. "Melody." She shifted in her seat. _He's sitting so close and he smells surprisingly better than I thought._ She looked down at the counter. _He smells like strawberries, peppermint and sun-dried linen. Such an odd combination._ Her fingers traced along the sides and edges of the chopsticks in front of her. _Toshi-kun smells good too. Even with the smell of smoke that clings to him. He smells like the outdoors and… mayo_. She giggled to herself.

Gintoki snorted trying not to out right laugh at Hijikata's raging blush. He smiled at Melody and gently nudged her with his elbow. "Whatchu giggling for?"

Melody smiled to herself but didn't look at him. "Nothing." She thanked the old man after he set their food in front of them. "Oh! Wait!" The old man turned back to her with a smile. "Can I get some sake please?"

"Sure thing, little lady." Set down a warm bottle of sake and a small cup in front of her. Seeing the two men watching her closely, he placed two more cups next to the bottle. "Here you go. Enjoy your meal." With a knowing smile, the old man walked off.

She reached for the bottle but a hand already on it stopped her. "Allow me." Gintoki offered. He poured sake into two of the cups, one for himself and one for her.

Melody rolled her eyes having caught onto to his little game. She grabbed the bottle from Gin and poured the warm liquid into the third cup. She turned to Hijikata and place the cup in front of him. "I know you're on duty, but one cup shouldn't hurt." He nodded his thanks and picked up the cup. They drained their cups at the same time and savored the warm liquid as it slid down their throats. She hummed contently. "I could get used to this." She looked at the dark haired man next to her as he began shoveling his food into his mouth. _Hijikata Special, huh?_

He felt her staring and lowered his bowl. "What?" He looked at her curiously.

She eyed the contents in his bowl. "What's that taste like?" Melody squealed mentally. _Oh m_ _y gosh_ _that shocked look of his is soo cute._

Hijikata blinked _._ _She doesn't think it's disgusting?_ "Wo-would you like to try it?" He scooped up a small amount on his chopsticks. She nodded and opened her mouth for him to feed her. His heart beat sped up watching her lips brush against the end of his chopsticks as she took the offered bite. He ignored Gin's grumbling about bad manners and sharing chopsticks.

She chewed thoughtfully before swallowing. "Wow, that was really good." She smiled brightly at Hijikata and turned back to eat her own food.

 _She- She actually liked it._ His lope-sided grinned turned to a smirk when he saw the silver haired man glaring at him.

"You shouldn't be eating that dog food. It'll make you sick." He scooped up a little of his Sakata Special. "Try mine. It tastes better."

"The hell it does! No one wants to eat that cat food!"

"Damn it! It's not cat food! It's better than that garbage any day!"

"It's not garbage! It's the Hijikata Special!"

"Fine! Dog food garbage!"

"Shut up, mop head!"

"Tax sucking government mutt!"

Both men had risen to their feet, practically snarling at each other.

Knowing where this was going, Melody burst out laughing. "You two are ridiculous." She pushed her now empty bowl away and poured herself another cup of sake. She sat back, letting them glare at each other uninterrupted as they finished eating. As she reached forward and refilled her cup, a thought occurred to her. "Toshi-kun- ah! Is it ok for me to call you that." She caught her slip and asked shyly. He nodded and without looking she smacked Gin in the back of the head for snickering. "I.. um.. I need a shower, b-but I don't have anything clean to wear."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

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Okita had found the group as they entered a shop filled with women's clothing. He watched as Glasses led the group blabbering something about his sister. _He's got some serious sis-con issues._ The girls had their arms linked and chattering excitedly. _China girl must be thrilled about having another girl to shop with. She's got that cute sparkle in her eye._ He flinched at his own thoughts. _I did not just think that._ With a sadistic smirk he saw his target bringing up the rear with Gintoki. _I've never seen that prick be so effected by a chick like this, not even sis._ With his hands in his pockets he followed them in.

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Gintoki, Hijikata, and Shinpachi were sitting in the chairs just outside the changing room Kagura had shoved Melody into. They could hear the two girls whispering heatedly in there, but said nothing.

Gintoki leaned his head back onto the wall behind him and closed his eyes. _I hate waiting on girls while they shop. Well at least this time I don't have to help Kagura pick out stuff._

The curtain the girls were behind rippled and swayed. "Hold still." They heard Kagura's voice followed by a snap of what sounded like something elastic. "Ow! That hurt Kagura-chan." The other girl whined.

Gintoki opened his eyes and leaned forward, elbows on his knees. "The hell is taking so long?" He grumbled out loud not really caring when Okita joined them, leaning against the wall next to Hijikata. He groaned when he heard Kagura say they needed a mans opinion. We don't really care what they wear, its just clothes.

"What?! No!" Melody protested. "Ah!" She explained as Kagura pushed her out from the curtain and stood beside her. The were wear matching lace bras and panties that were black.

"Big sis said every girl needs cute underwear. Are these kind she meant, Shin-chan?" Kagura asked Shinpachi as she inspected her reflection in the mirror next to the changing room. Oblivious to the men's reactions, she pulled Melody to face the mirror with her, inspecting her too.

Shinpachi closed his eyes while pinching the bridge of his nose. "Kagura-chan." He groaned. He wasn't annoyed so much as trying to keep his nose from bleeding. He pulled a magazine out of nowhere, opened it to hide his face, deciding to ignore them until it was time to leave.

Gintoki and Hijikata gripped the arms of their chairs. Both of their eyes were wide with shock and jaws slack and little trickle of blood flowed out of their noses. Gin had some drool on the side of his mouth. Not one coherent thought passed through their minds.

 _Shit!_ Okita blushed, his eyes glued to Kagura as he swallowed hard. _Damn it, China girl!_ He caught her eye in the mirror and glared. She was smirking at him. An idea popped in his head and he grinned sadistically. _Two can play that game._ He moved to stand behind her, the older men watched in amusement. His eyes on hers through the reflection, he placed his hands on her hips and pressed himself against her just enough for her to feel his excitement. Without taking his eyes off her he leaned in, his lips close to her ear. "Not bad. But you'd look better in leather." He was pleased to see her blush.

Melody stepped back when she heard Kagura growl. The two got into a scuffle, which ended with them on the floor, Okita pinning Kagura's wrists beside her head and her legs locked around his waist, trying to squeeze him in half.

"Whoa! Whoa! Hold it you two!" Gin stood up pulling the two apart. "You can't go making babies out in public like that." Two strong hits sent Gin flying back.

Hijikata jumped up to pull Melody out of the way, but he wasn't fast enough. Gin's body hit them and the three crashed into the floor.

Melody groaned and raised her head to assess the situation. Hijikata was laying with his arm across his face and she was sprawled across him, her legs on either side of one of his. Gintoki's upper body was draped across her back, mumbling about ungrateful brats. She felt something hard press against her thigh and that's when she lost it. She laughed. She couldn't help it. It was all too funny.

The two men she was sandwiched between looked at her a few seconds before laughing themselves. As they calmed down, she extracted herself from the two and pulled Kagura back into the changing room with her. The two whispered and giggled behind the curtain for a few minutes, then stepped out back in their old clothes, new ones draped over their arms, surprising the others.

"We decided to just go ahead and by the stuff we want and get the hell out of here." Kagura explained with a shrug.

Shinpachi stood and looked over to see the woman at the register pointing to a sign behind her. "Good, 'cause its gotten dark and the shop's are closing soon."

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After the group left the shop, they stopped to get food for the next day since Gintoki had forgotten it.

"We need to get this stuff to sis. I still have to help here get everything ready for tomorrow before she goes to work." Shinpachi informed them. _I hope she's not mad that we took so long._ He shifted a bag filled with cups of ice cream. _I guess there's no need to worry, I can just shove this bag in her face. She can't resist her favorite treat._ He hummed happily to himself.

"We'll come with you. I need to speak with her anyway." Hijikata said as he lit a cigarette, ignoring the glare Gintoki shot him.

Kagura giggled. "I can't wait to show big sis my new clothes!" She turned to Melody. "You'll love big sis. She cool and pretty and strong."

"Just try to avoid any food she makes. That dark matter will kill you." Gintoki said from behind them.

"Hey! It won't kill you!" Shinpachi snapped at the silver haired man. He sighed. "But he's right. Gin-san and Kondo-san lost their memories whenever they ate it." He tilted his chin up in thought. "Now that I think about it, I don't think anyone could handle it. Except maybe Kyuubi-chan, and even it she ends up in the bathroom for a day or two." He smiled at the girl when she giggled.

Being a fan of their manga, Melody already knew all of this, but kept it to herself. So far, the only one here that knows I'm not from here is Toshi-kun. She looked at the man and saw he was watching her. She blushed and looked away, which made a small smile appear on Hijikata's face. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Okita pull Kagura away from the group with a hand over her mouth. She leaned towards Shinpachi and whispered, "I think Okita really likes Kagura-chan."

He chuckled and whispered back, "I think that's an understatement." The two looked back and saw Okita whispering to a glaring Kagura. When she blushed they looked at each other and snickered. "You know what makes it even better?" He smirked as she nodded. "I overheard her asking sis how someone like him could be so cute yet so stupid." They giggled again.

"What are you two talking about?" Gintoki stuck his head between theirs and stage whispered.

"Nothing." They chorused together.

Gintoki stepped back with a huff. He looked over his shoulder and all he could see was Okita's back, hiding Kagura from their view. "Oi! You two quit making out and come on!" He turned back around with a grin when he saw the two jump apart.

"Looks like he's started to act on his feelings for your little friend instead of denying them. All that little shit talks about is her." He took a drag from his cigarette, his eyes on the two still whispering and snickering in front of them.

"Well, as long as her daddy and brother don't find out, I don't care."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that if those two find out, all hell will break loose. Baldy will cry and beat me to death for not protecting his precious daughter's innocence and her brother…. Let's just say Shin-chan's not the only one with a sis-con complex." He shuddered.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

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Shinpachi led the group into his house calling out, "Sis! I'm home!" There was no reply. _That's odd usually she'd have greeted us at the door or at least answered me._ He set his bags on the table in the middle of the large room. "Make yourselves at home. I'll go find sis. She might be in the bathroom." He slid open the door that joined the hallway.

"I'll come too, Shin-chan!" Kagura left the room with the boy.

Melody and Okita sat on the floor at the table across from each other. The way he was looking at her was irritating. She rolled her eyes when Hijikata and Gintoki sat on either side of her. "Sou-kun-"

"Don't call me that." He warned with a blank expression.

She smiled evilly. "How long have you liked Kagura-chan?" She knew the answer, but she needed something to distract her from the men flanking her.

He glared at her. "I don't know what you're talking about." _You two assholes better not say shit!_ The deadly aura he was emitting to the other men, dropped when she fell back laughing. "Why the hell do you keep laughing? Are you high or something?" He raised a curious brow.

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Kagura opened her mouth. "Shin-"

"SHH!" He hissed at her. _Something is not right._ He listened as hard as he could, hoping it would help him find his sister. "Sister?" He called out, but again, no response.

Kagura tried again. "I-"

"Shh!" He hissed again. "I'm can't hear anything if you're talking." He whispered. Just then he thought he heard something from the end of the hall, but a loud girlish laugh from the other room drowned it out. He closed his eyes and growled in frustration. It grew quiet again as they tip toed on. He stopped, throwing his arm out to stop Kagura as well. "Do you hear that?" The sound was definitely coming from the room at the end of the hall.

"Hear what? What is it Shin-chan?" Kagura turned her ear in the direction Shinpachi was facing. _Oh!_ Her eyes widened before her expression smoothed into a knowing grin. _Hehehe. I knew she was hiding something. She's got a boyfriend._ She giggled to herself.

"Come on. Let's go get sister so she can see what all we bought and met Melody-chan." Shinpachi grabbed her wrist and pulled her with him.

"Ah. Shin-chan! Wai-" Too late. The door banged open with their entrance and what they found was the last thing they expected. Their faces turned white and twitched.

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"When would she have gotten high, asshat?" Gintoki had laid out on his side and was picking his nose. He didn't seem to care that the girl was laying next to him.

 _Well that's nasty._ Melody stretched her legs out under the table and arms behind her head. She turned her head to look at the ceiling when he pulled his finger out and inspected the booger. She felt a deadly aura from her other side and saw Hijikata glaring at Gintoki out of the corner of his eye, his hand holding his cigarette close to his lips.

"Don't you know you're not suppose to pick your nose in front of a lady, idiot?" He spoke menacingly.

Gintoki wiped the booger on the underside of the table and snorted. "Lady? There aren't any ladies in this house, that's for sure." He draped his arm across his side.

"Why you-" Hijikata jumped up and was about to attack Gintoki, but stopped when Melody launched herself at him. He froze when he felt her arms around his waist and looked down.

Gintoki, who had stood as well, opened his mouth but stopped as a scream tore through the air.

"SIIIIISTERRR! NOOOOO!"


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